if I had a twin I would go into crowds of strangers and profess my love to someone and then say “if our love isn’t meant to be, I will go back in time and slap myself” and then my twin would burst in and slap me
pizza is an acceptable meal at all times of the day
"i was born in the wrong generation" i say as i steal my grandkids hoverboards because fuck you i was promised these years ago
One time in a science class this guy was talking about how nerdy girls aren’t cute, but it is kinda sexy when a hot girl can use a microscope so I looked back at him and said, “yeah, it must be nice when a girl can finally see your penis”
god bless your soul
DATING TIP: Hold the door for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door as a weapon to fight off other men. Establish dominance.